


silly chapter of longer work still under construction

by Jotun_in_my_mind



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:35:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22784974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jotun_in_my_mind/pseuds/Jotun_in_my_mind
Summary: Just a chapter from a longer story that I wanted to share.Renae is an original female character whose job it is to keep the Avengers Team in some sort of order while they are home at the Tower and minimise their silliness.  Or encourage them.  Whatever.
Comments: 1





	silly chapter of longer work still under construction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pajulu72](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pajulu72/gifts).



A sober group discussion after the Spider Incident led to an agreed house law that if a person had a genuine fear of something that it would cruel to use them for a prank. All parties solemnly agreed to abide by this new rule, and everyone listed their phobias. The List of Forbidden Fears hung inside the pantry door, mainly for Clint and Bucky, who claimed to have trouble remembering what they were NOT allowed to use to scare people, and as time passed (and lines were inevitably crossed), items were added to the list by various parties. 

Sam had recently added ‘dildos, cocks and dicks’ to his list, swearing that his eyesight would never be the same after blindly groping his way into his bathroom in the middle of the night, turning on the light, and finding himself surrounded by 60 dildos of various colours. The items protruded from his mirror, sink, bath, shower, toilet, walls, floor, and ceiling. Some were decorated with a pair of googly eyes or had a smiley face drawn on with a permanent marker. His high-pitched curses rang throughout the halls and echoed through the empty kitchen as Renae and Nat high-fived on the sofa where they were bingeing on the new series of Lucifer on Netflix. Touchdown for the girls' team.

Admittedly, those dildos provided abundant pranking opportunities for the next few weeks until Sam finally managed to track them all down and throw them out. The bloody things seemed to be everywhere – they showed up in the glove boxes in Tony’s cars; they flopped out as people opened the door of the fridge; they poked unsuspecting victims in awkward places from under couch cushions; and lurked silently, frozen deep in the tubs of ice-cream like sinister entities of wrongness. Door handles were unscrewed and replaced by a cock and balls, and the coffee machine developed a permanent purple erection on its left-hand side. 

An especially robust black cock spent an entire mission securely tucked into Bucky’s tactical belt on his back, completely unnoticed until he removed his equipment on the Quinjet on the way home. His slumped shoulders and look of complete emotional defeat were recorded on Clint’s phone and the picture sent to Renae in triumph. Everyone had lost count of the times that they had been watching TV in the lounge and casually reached to the side table only to find their hand gripping a phallic item that had sneakily replaced their drink. No-one avoided getting caught with that particular prank, not even Nat, though she fell victim much less than everyone else. The most impressive cock-swap was the night that Nat managed to swap the sausage in Clint’s hotdog for a bright yellow dildo while it was IN HIS HAND and his head was turned talking to Renae. He bit into it without looking, then realised his mistake and made the most traumatised and disgusted face Nat had ever seen. 

Tony had discovered (why?) that the smooth metal of the Iron Man Suit was a good surface for the suction cups and spent an entire afternoon testing what speeds and g-forces were needed to dislodge them. Bets were taken and displayed on a chart, Jarvis recorded the relevant data, and drinks enjoyed as the rest of the team and Renae lounged in deckchairs on the helipad while he swooped and soared above the Tower performing his tests, various styles of cock flapping and waving frantically in the fast-moving air currents. Best afternoon of science. Ever.

Especially when one of the heavier cocks detached and fell, landing less than a foot behind Bucky, making him perform a particularly acrobatic twisting leap from his chair to go into full Winter Soldier defensive stance to face the sudden noise and apparent threat behind him. Sam laughed so hard that he fell off his chair and curled into a foetal position on the floor, tears rolling down his cheeks and a small suspicious patch of wetness appearing on the front of his pants. Bucky grumpily picked up the offending object and passed it to Clint, who used a high-powered slingshot to shoot it and hit Tony in the back of the helmet as he flew by. Tony’s battle instinct took over, just as it had for Bucky, and he pivoted and vaporised the dildo with a plasma blast, the cheap rubbery plastic leaving a cloud of toxic-looking black smoke hanging in the air. Yup, best science ever.

Steve had hidden his shield somewhere that even Natasha couldn’t find it. He’d grown tired of discovering a red or blue cock attached to the star at the centre. When he removed one, it was stealthily replaced within minutes of him destroying the previous one, 24 hours a day, consistently, for over a week. Bucky had been incredibly dedicated to his Shield-Cock Mission and remained uncaught until the shield itself disappeared and ruined his fun, then he slept for two days. 

Thor found the whole concept hilarious and stuck a couple of glittery silver-coloured ones to Mjolnir to see if Heimdall would notice when he returned to Asgard. He did. It made him smile just a little.


End file.
